One year, a undercut, and one fixed tooth later here I am writing this for you. On this day last year you completely twisted my world around in the most beautiful way possible. I remember the night perfectly. We had just got of the zipper at the carnival and I was complaining that I was feeling dizzy. (You should have known right then and there I was a complainer babe.) We sat on the curb right next to a fire truck and I was bent over my head resting on my knees. A few minutes later, I asked if you wanted to go back to the carnival and you didn't respond. This is the part where we both get a little sketchy. You claimed I was humming and made things awkward but I don't remember that. I just remember sitting there waiting. For what I really don't know. Then you started, "Can I ask you a question?" Really I didn't know what was coming. I thought you were going to ask me if I liked your shoes or something silly like that. "Yes." And this is where you made me the happiest girl in the world - "Do you want to go out with me?" Obviously I replied - maybe a little too soon "Yes." Next thing I know your lips were pressed on mine and I knew that right there in that moment was where I wanted to stay forever.
We've been through so much Chris. Over this past year I realized something. This thing that we have, it's rare. You're my best friend babe. I love every single thing about you. I love the way your green eyes sparkle in the sun. I love the way you scratch my mosquito bites. I love the way you want to hold my hand all the time. I love the way you kiss my forehead when I cry. I love the way you poke my stomach all the time even though you know I hate it. I love the way you mimic me in a voice that doesn't even sound like me. I love the way you pick me up and kiss me. I love the way you play with my hair. I love the way you kiss me when I have to leave and make me stay longer. I love the way you sneeze. I love your silliness at 3 in the morning when you sing Rebecca Black to me. I love when you don't know what emotion to pick and you do a mixture of a whole bunch of expressions. I love your pickyness when it comes to clothing. I love feeling your breath on my neck. I love hearing the simplicity of your heartbeat.
When I'm with you I feel so rejuvenated. You've changed me Chris. Honestly, I don't feel like such a monster anymore. I'm happy to wake up in the mornings because I wake up knowing that I am yours and you are mine. I go throughout the day with a smile - a real smile - because I am so lucky. If there is a God out there then I want to thank him for bringing you to me. I don't know what I did to deserve you, all I was was a lost girl wrapped in chains searching for love in the hollowness in her heart. Then you came with the key.
Hurting you was the biggest mistake of my life. In the moment I didn't realize this, but hurting you meant hurting myself too and going back to into the shell I thought I had left behind. Hearing you sob on the phone tore me apart, made me want to hurt myself for bruising your innocent heart. You were always so good to me and I made it seem like that wasn't good enough. But you are. You're everything I ever wanted and I can't even explain to you why I need you. But trust me babe I do. I don't know what I would do without your love and your sweet kisses.
I wouldn't want to share this journey with anyone else. I'm so happy to say that you're my first love. You know it kinda makes me mad when people say, "Oh, it's just puppy love they aren't going to last." They don't know what it feels like to be in your arms and they don't know that thats the only place where I feel safe. They don't what it feels like to have someone who tells you you're beautiful and they don't know that that's the only time when all my insecurities fade away. They don't know what it feels like to look into your deep green eyes and they don't know that that's the only thing that mesmerizes me. They don't know. So tell me babe, what gives them the right to doubt us?
We're gonna make it, Christopher okay? We're gonna do everything we've ever dreamed of and talked about. We're gonna have our town house in New York and have a stable job so we can afford a maid because me and you are both too lazy to clean. We're gonna wrestle on the couch and have taco Tuesday every week. We're gonna have a husky AND a malamute. (I'll be sure to name one of them Flocka.) Then when we're 26 you're going to propose to me on the beach. I'm going to have a beautiful mermaid dress and you're going to wear Jordans with your tuxedo. After we will live back in Kenilworth in the stone corner house on N 24 street because we wanna settle down. Then when I'm 28 we're going to have twins - one boy and one girl. The boys name will be Anthony Bryce and our daughters name is going to be Leah. And when they are older you will beat Leah if she sleeps around and you will praise Anthony for sleeping around. (Make sure no one sees this so they won't think we're crazy..we don't want child protective services to be knocking on our door when we get older.) Next thing you know our kids our old and so are we. We're going to sit on our bench we're going to have beside our tree in our front yard. And you're going to be holding my hand.
I promised I was going to love you forever and I will. Here's to the future babe. Happy one year. I love you.