Sometimes, it hurts more to smile in front of everyone than to cry all alone. To be quite honest, I don't think I can live this life anymore. I can't live with this void, this desire that goes unfulfilled for the rest of my life. I tried so hard to be good enough, I tried so hard and no one even took notice. But now that I plan to leave, leave my mind and soul leaving just a blank face, maybe now, now you'll notice. I find it so fucking funny that I even try so hard. What more could I possibly do? I'm so afraid of dying, because I don't think I believe in heaven.
When I am alone outside watching the cars go by, I sometimes imagine that one of the cars driving by is you, and you've come to save me from killing myself in this town. But who am I kidding? You don't even search for me anymore. I miss your phone calls, I miss your voice, I miss our fights of whose better than the other. The hole that you patched up in my chest is ripping apart, this time even bigger than how it was before, because of you. How can someone that has such a beautiful soul cause me so much pain? There were so many things that I wanted to tell you, but I knew they would ruin your plans, I knew they would hurt you. So I buried them in, and let them hurt me. If we never become as close as we were, if we never hang out again, and one day, you feel a certain presence beside you, that would be me, loving you wherever I am. It's a motherfucker being here without you.
(Oh and when I said her, I meant me you cunt bag.)